


Wizard, Would I Lie to You?

by Phandancee74



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Would I Lie To You? RPF
Genre: Aisling Bea - Freeform, Lee Mack - Freeform, M/M, Noel Fielding - Freeform, WILTY, Would I Lie to You?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22106461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandancee74/pseuds/Phandancee74
Summary: Harry is a contestant on the wizarding version of the British panel show, Would I Lie to You? and he's bringing on a very special guest.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	Wizard, Would I Lie to You?

_"On Lee Mack's team tonight is a witch you're all familiar with, her ideas may be strange but we can't prove they're wrong, it's Luna Lovegood! He defines our aesthetic and is beloved by the muggle and magical community alike, Noel Fielding!_

_On Percy Weasley's team is the happy and hilarious, Aisling Bea! And our very special guest, the man who is tied with his own father for most points lost to his hogwarts house in a single year, Harry Potter!_

_Welcome to Wizard, Would I Lie to You? I'm your host, Gilderoy Lockhart, and I'm contractually obliged to say that, yes, I would and have lied to you. We've got an exciting show tonight, if you haven't seen the game before our contestants will be reading out statements that they've never seen before and the other team has to try and figure out if they're telling the truth."_

The show started with Lee Mack reading a card saying that he ended up in muggle comedy when he went to watch his former Ravenclaw housemate, Noel Fielding, perform at the Edinburgh Festival and accidentally ended up backstage. Muggle Security tried to remove him, so Lee confunded them into thinking he belonged there. He did a bit too well of a job and was put on the set list. Lee started making jokes about things he'd learned from his muggleborn friends and it worked. Noel backed him up on everything except who got a louder applause that night. 

There were a few questions about why he'd keep it up afterwards, "I was getting tired of being an unspeakable, I had too many words in my head. Also, there is no greater joy in life than antagonizing David Mitchell." and whether he'd ever had to use a time turner to keep up with his appearances in both worlds. "Now, Harry, you know that's not allowed." *WINK* 

Percy's team debated for a moment and Harry and Aisling agreed that sounded too implausible, and Percy allowed himself to be overruled.

In the end, with a wave of Lee's wand towards the screen behind him, the story turned out to be true.

Gilderoy smiled broadly and said, "Yes, Lee Mack did end up in Muggle Comedy when he accidentally went backstage at Noel Fielding's Edinburgh performance. One can only imagine what the world would be like today if Unspeakable Lee's jokes had remained unspoken." 

Next, Harry had to try and convince everyone that he once won a karaoke contest purely because of his outfit.

"Is your singing that bad?" Noel joked.

"No, I swear, usually I'm pretty good but there was this guy in the front row with a snake on his shirt and it turns out I sung half of Wannabe in Parseltongue."

Harry didn't do the best job describing the outfit that supposedly won him the contest because few of the guests or audience had ever seen Ron Weasley's Triwizard Ball dress robes that he kept alluding to and they couldn't properly appreciate the amount of lace. Percy and Luna were busting a gut though and Lee Mack's team was unwilling to believe the savior of the wizarding world could lose at anything so they guessed it was true but Harry waved his wand and the screen behind him turned purple and showed 'FALSE'. 

Then came the "This is my" portion where one team all introduced the same guest as their own, each with a story about their connection to the person and the other team had to correctly identify the contestant who knew the guest and their true story.

Aisling went first "This is my cousin Draco and we call him the blond sheep of the family. Draco and I used to get in trouble for using a spell to swap voices during Christmas dinner."

Then Percy went "This is Draco Malfoy and when we went to school together he blackmailed me after finding me snogging my girlfriend in the dungeons. He was 12 and I had to buy him off with the password to the prefect bathroom where they had the passion fruit shampoo he liked."

Then Harry said rising from his chair "This my boyfriend Draco, and he thinks I'm going to talk about the time he broke my nose because that's the only way I could trick him into coming on this show but really I'm going to propose." He walked over to Draco and got down on one knee, opening a box he held in both hands. Some of the audience oohed and ahhed but there were also a few squeals of disbelief and one or two sudden apparitions.

"Well this is a new one." Lee said. "And, I can't wait to hear Draco's answer. If it's a no, should we assume that he isn't Harry's boyfriend?"

"If it's a no, I'll step in for him." Noel added. "Harry's already got the ring, we can be married before we go to commercial."

"I don't think Aisling is telling the truth." Luna noted. "I've been friends with Draco for years and he only mentions his cousin Teddy." 

Harry looked up at Draco with love in his eyes and asked "Will you marry me?"

Draco was silent and his face impassive. He appeared to not notice Harry.

"Harry, you can stop this ridiculousness now. We all know Draco was blackmailing me through most of our time at Hogwarts. I appreciate your commitment to the show though, that you brought a ring." Percy spoke up, there was a look in his eyes that betrayed mischief but he was mostly composed.

"Percy's story might be true. But I don't think Draco actually likes Passion Fruit. If it is true, maybe he just did it to mess with Percy." Luna said continuing to consider each story.

"It's definitely true. I've brought some old letters as evidence!"

Draco almost smirked at that but managed to wrestle his face back into a mask. 

"Can I go sniff his hair?" Noel asked Lockhart.

"Sure."

Noel walked up to Harry and Draco and leaned over to sniff Harry's head. "Well, Harry likes Passion Fruit."

"Sniff the other one, Noel! If you wanted to know about Harry, you could have just read last week's Witch Weekly."

"Alright. Alright." Noel said and straightened up to lean in to Draco. "Also Passion Fruit."

"Both of 'em?" Lee asked.

"Yep. Exactly the same." Noel said walking back towards Lee. "Maybe they're both true." he said cheekily.

"They can't both be true! That's not how the game works and you should know. You've been on both versions!"

"They can't?" Luna asked "Oh. I thought we just had to figure out if each was true or a lie. Harry and Draco have been together for years and Harry has a ring, so it's probably that one."

Lee smiled "Well, this is the easiest round I've ever played. We should always have you on."

Aisling Bea laughed "Oh, Draco, we've done a good job fooling them this time. Good work, my favorite cousin."

Gilderoy Lockhart spoke up "So, who will it be? Is Draco Aisling's pranking partner? Percy's shampoo shakedown? or Harry's shocked soon-to-be-spouse?"

Lee looked at his teammates "So we're saying Harry?"

"Yes."

"Smells right to me." Noel said and tapped his nose.

"Draco, please reveal who you are."

"I'm Draco Malfoy, and this idiot here is going to be my husband."

**Author's Note:**

> I've been kicking this idea around for awhile and then last night I learned that Lee Mack (who I decided was prime wizard material) was at one time flatmates with Noel Fielding. If you haven't seen the show, they have had HP actors on in the past, and it is always great.


End file.
